It’s not easy to know how to get over someone, especially if it’s someone you’ve had a crush on for a while.
Crushes may start out as small things—a mix of curiosity and physical attraction—but they can quickly deepen into something far more serious. If you form an emotional bond or friendship with the person you’re crushing on, it can be even harder to get over.
But when that crush isn’t required or the person gets into a relationship with someone else, it’s a pretty clear sign you need to move on. Knowing how to get over a crush isn’t a 3-step formula, as everyone gets over it in their own way. However, we’ve come up with some tips to help you know how to get over a guy or girl and move on with your life:
Understand the «why». Why is this person so perfect for you? What is driving the crush? Is it emotional, physical, or both? Do you actually have feelings for them, or do you simply love the idea of being together with them so much that you can’t quit it? Sometimes, delving into the «why» of your crush is enough to help you understand the truth—a truth that may surprise you and make you see it’s time to move on.
Your feelings weren’t reciprocated or you never told your crush how you felt, and now it’s too late. Your crush is with someone else, and that kills you. Time to accept that things are over with that person. It’s not your personal failure, so don’t let it affect your sense of self-worth. Simply accept that things didn’t work out, at least not right now. Fighting or denying it is only going to make it harder to move on.
Disconnect. One of the best tricks for how to get over someone you love is to disconnect from them as much as possible. That definitely means unfollowing them on social media, and probably stop hanging out with them. It may be sad to lose someone that has been your friend for a long time, but it’s necessary to help you recover and move on emotionally. You can always go back to being friends later, but for now you need to heal.
Be proactive with school, work, home life, hobbies, interests, and everything else you’ve got going on. Hit up your friends to go out on the weekends. Time heals all wounds, and being busy can make the time pass a whole lot faster. After a while, you’ll find you stop thinking about your crush as much because you’ve got so many other things going on.
Find someone new. This is a tried and tested trick! Crushes can be all-consuming, so you need something to take your mind off your feelings. Sometimes just a random hook-up or one-night stand could be enough, but you may just find there is someone else «perfect» out there for you if you open yourself to the experience.
Feel the feelings. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to push down the feelings or try to ignore them. Give yourself permission to cry, be sad, and feel your feelings. The only way out is through!
Get over it.
After you’ve let yourself grieve the loss of your crush (five stages of grief and all!), it’s time to move on. You can’t wallow in the feelings of misery, loneliness, or heartbreak. Part of «feeling the feelings» is to help you open up, confront the emotions, and process them. That last part is vital for moving on to something and someone new!
Remember it’s just temporary. So the one guy or girl you were crushing on didn’t reciprocate your feelings. Yes, that sucks, but that’s just one of 3.6 BILLION other people of your desired gender in the world. The old adage «There are always more fish in the sea» may irritate you, but it’s true. You won’t be alone forever, because there is definitely someone out there that is looking for someone just like you. This momentary misery will be over soon and you’ll find happiness and love again. Give it time, open yourself up to it, and it may surprise you!
Talk it out.
If you’re having a hard time dealing, don’t go it alone. Talk it out with your bestie, a parent, a guidance counselor, or even a therapist. Just talking about it helps you to confront your feelings, which is the first step toward closure and moving on. Find someone you can share with, and open up to them. It’s how the healing process begins!
You do you. If you’ve devoted all your mental and emotional energy into this crush, it’s time to realize that you’ve been liberated. Now that you no longer have to obsess about that guy or girl, you’re free to focus on the things that matter most to you. Hit up the gym, read that self-help book that’s been gathering dust on your shelf, or start hanging out with new friends. Focus on what makes you happy—finding yourself is a critical part of finding love.
Warning: RELAPSE IMMINENT!
The hardest part of getting over someone is getting past the «relapse» phase—those times when you’re tempted to text them, glance over at them across the hallway, stalk their social media, or visit their hangout spots. For the first few weeks, be conscious of the fact that you could relapse at any moment. Get help from friends and family to keep you on the right path and avoid relapse. It’ll just make getting over them all that much harder if you have to start from scratch!
The truth is that getting over someone is hard, and it takes time, effort, and emotional maturity. The good news is that it can be done! The pain will pass, and you will find happiness again— if not the person you’re crushing on, certainly with someone else. Use the tips above to help you deal with it and move on to a happier, emotionally healthier you!